the chance to prove myself, the chance for change, the chance for the facts to be presented, the chance for calm and reasoned discussion; the chance to give Molly the very best of life and love.
Asking for a Chance...
Our Story so far... 26th September... I just wanted to make a very brief update. The appeal on the 12th of September was not upheld. It was decided however to bring forward the review Child Protection Conference. I’ve since requested permission to proceed to the next stage of the appeal process, which has been granted. It will be heard on October the 3rd. As always, I’m hoping that we can reach a more proportionate decision. --------------------- I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. I was overjoyed though also a little anxious. My relationship with my partner was difficult and I wasn’t sure how we’d manage the news. In myself however I was certain; I’d only ever wanted to be a mum. The difficulties between my partner and I escalated, and one night I found myself feeling very frightened and disturbed by the things that were happening. I felt, and still do, that Molly and I were no longer safe and so I called the police for help. Once the immediate concerns had been resolved the police passed on their information to Children’s Services. A few weeks later I received telephone call from Children’s Services saying that they needed to see me. An appointment was made, and duly I went. It all seemed reasonably straight forward at this point, and though I was initially worried by their involvement I thought it would all be dealt with soon enough. That first interview dealt primarily with their concerns about my ex-partner, and their need to ascertain the current state of our relationship. A second interview was arranged shortly after, with my mum, in which the focus shifted entirely. All of the questions were now about my childhood and my mental health history. I felt concerned and anxious about these questions as I’m well aware that my past is far from straightforward. However, I also knew that I’d been well and stable for several years so I tried not to worry myself, and Molly, too much. Then one Saturday morning the enormous reality of what had been happening came crashing through the letter box. Children’s services had decided as a result of their inquiries to proceed to a child protection conference. I was shocked and terrified. I didn’t really understand what it meant but I had visions of protection registers and adoption and all sorts. That weekend was perhaps one of the longest I’ve known. The following week is all a bit of blur to be honest - much of it was spent on the phone, and on the internet trying desperately to get answers and information that would make some sense out of what was happening. Up until then I had been an excited expectant mum spending hours in baby shops and on new mum websites learning everything I could for Molly’s arrival and now I was reduced to a state of perpetual terror of what may happen. The days passed, mostly filled with phone calls, e-mails, appointments but no answers. No answers until the child protection conference where it all became abundantly clear. There was a letter from a paediatrician who I’d not met who was saying that in light of my previous history it was likely that I would suffer from Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy/ FII by proxy. He suggested that I would be a risk to Molly and also to other women and their babies. Therefore there would be no option but to remove Molly at birth pending further assessments. I fully understand why, when faced with such a letter, the Children’s Services department felt greatly concerned. I also fully understand the tendency to err on side of caution where a child may be in danger. I’m not here to attack Child Protection work, not at all, it must be an incredibly difficult job involving some agonising decisions. It does seem to me though that in the midst of responding to such a startling letter that some of the other factors got lost. I don’t understand though, and no-one has explained to me, why letters from psychiatrists who knew me and who were expressing their vehement support for me were not considered at the conference. Nor do I understand why the paediatrician concerned had not met me. Nor do I think it is particularly appropriate that a paediatrician comment upon one of the most complex areas of adult forensic psychiatry. I am not now, nor have I ever, said that I am an angel. I have had an exceptionally difficult past, and during that time I have made plenty of mistakes. However, I have worked hard to overcome my past and feel I have the right to move on. Moreover, I am eager to undergo any and all assessments with Molly, I am desperate to do anything and everything I can to assuage people’s anxieties and prove that I can be a good Mum. My increasing concern is why when Children’s Services are faced with a keen, co-operative parent do they persist with such an adversarial manner. The simple chance I am asking for is that Molly and I be discharged to a residential assessment unit. I am just asking for a chance. Currently we are waiting for an appeal to be heard on the 12th of September. Links In the News Home
 
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